It is a funny thing grieving for something that you never really had.
Robin had a little girl this morning.
For those of you who were in the know there was a time when Dan and I were going to adopt her. But life and finances would not play nice with our plans and we were not able to do it.
For the last 3 months I have been fine with it. It wasn't meant to be, God obviously has other plans for us. I have been able to be there for her Mom Tracy and help her in decisions and dealing with the fact that they were putting her granddaughter up for adoption. They chose a wonderful Christian couple. They are mid- thirties, missionaries and wonderful people. They travel all over doing the Lord's work, they have been to the Far East, Africa, you name it spreading the word of God. This baby will see the world. I was so excited for her future.
Yet here I am crying.
Hurting and raw.
I don't get it.
Robin keeps asking me to come see her and the baby at the hospital. She and the baby are there until Monday and then the adopting parents take the baby home.
I can't do it.
I can't bear the thought of seeing that little face and falling in love with what could have been.
Robin doesn't get it. You see for the last 10 years Robin's family thought she was bi-polar. Recently after much testing they have learned that Robin is developmentally delayed. She will never emotionally mature past the range of 12 - 15 years old. She was misdiagnosed.
For her this baby will never be more than a doll. She can't comprehend what she is giving up.
But I can.
