I took a deep breath for the first time in weeks today. The last 2 weeks have been rather hellish.
This has been my last 2 weeks:
AJ and the girls came to hang out for the weekend. OK so it was more like a visit to the Vickers motel since they spent their days at AJ's mother-in-laws for a family Mike memorial thingy.
Mom and Dad move out - so I am juggling company and the move. more stressful than one might think. (mom and dad were supposed to move out the weekend before but couldn't because we were snowed in.)
one year anniversary of Mike passing - I didn't handle it well. (see previous blog)
the OBGYN finally figures out what is wrong with me. (3 1/2 months and no period and I am so not pregnant) I have PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. They think I have had it all my life. It causes weight gain and now with treatment I should be able to loose weight quickly and easily. who knew! It also causes excess facial hair - let's not go there. May also cause male pattern baldness if not treated - BRING ON THE DRUGS!!!
so yay! no cervical cancer! woo hoo! phone rings. It's the dermatologist who just removed 5 skin tags and 3 moles last week.
skin cancer - son of a b-----! I don't even tan! I hate the heat and rarely spend time in the sun! bleepity bleep bleep bleep!!!
Somewhere God is giggling and saying "Well girlie you prayed for good results from the OBGYN but not the dermatologist, hee hee "
Luckily I have the good skin cancer. But I'm telling you, when someone tells you that you have any form of cancer it is very hard to believe them that you have a good kind. Hello you still have cancer!!! and yes they cut the majority off and are putting you through a 6 week treatment to kill the remaining bad cells (bad cells, bad!) but it still keeps you up at night.
So my ovaries are screwed up, my skin is trying to kill me and to top it all off it seems that the teachers at the CHRISTIAN preschool where I work have all forgotten they are Christians and can do nothing but complain about how horrible the children are. And they didn't take to kindly to me walking around smiling so much because work was the last of my worries this past 2 weeks! Nor did they take it too well when I told them to cheer up and smile and that God loves them. It was like I was a steak walking into a pack of rabid wolves!
But today is Friday, I have my own house back. No plans this weekend. And it is 58 and sunny outside. I am off to the park with Jessica and a good book. Who knows I might just lie down on the bench and watch the clouds go by.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
A Year Ago Tonight
At this exact time a year ago tonight I was with a friend. A year ago ten minutes from now I said goodnight, joked that it was really good morning and waived goodbye as I walked out the front door. A year ago I was angry and unable to forgive a stupid argument. A year ago I walked out of his house still holding a stupid grudge after apologies were exchanged. I walked out without hugging him goodbye because I was angry. I actually thought, it's too soon to hug him again after being so mad. I was so wrong.
10:31 AM - one year ago today the phone rang. I thought Jess was just calling to say she too was too tired to get out of bed for even the 11AM church service. We had been up watching the movie "Waiting" and did not leave her house until 1 AM. But that's not what she told me. "Michael's down, he's not breathing. They (the EMTs) just got here. He's not breathing." I still remember her exact words. A year later and I still remember every damn word and the way she breathed when she said it. I remember hearing the EMTs in the background. I remember I was standing in the kitchen looking at the clock on the microwave. '10:31AM he was fine last night' is what goes through my head but what comes out of my mouth is "Where are the girls, I'm coming, it's going to be all right." I don't remember getting dressed. I had answered the phone in my bra and panties. I honestly don't remember running upstairs and putting on my blue pants and pink tie dye t shirt. I barked to Dan, " Mike's down, he's not breathing, the paramedics are there, I'm going, oh God, I'll Call you." I know instead of running 2 buildings over I drove as close as I could get. The road was blocked by the ambulance and fire truck. Police were just arriving. He had gone down in front of the coat closet at the foot of the stairs. They had cut his shirt open and were doing CPR, he had already lost control of his bowels. Jess was numb, you could see the disbelief in her eyes. I just hugged her and she told me he had been walking across the room from the bathroom to go upstairs to get more toilet paper, laughing about how he had been the one to leave himself 'high and dry' when he simply fell over. Later I would learn that he seized and Jess started CPR while Amy called 911. Catherine was upstairs in her room. Kitty her mom was there. Where are the girls? I asked. Jerry her dad had them upstairs. Kitty stayed with Jess and I ran upstairs. I found Jerry on Amy's bed trying to hold both girls in his lap. I took Catherine and sat on her bed with her. Princess Diaries 2 was playing on their TV. I held her on my lap like she was little again and we rocked. I remember thinking what to do say to a 9 year old girl when the paramedics are trying to save her Dad. It was so surreal my brain couldn't comprehend it. I remember thinking how warm my tears were and being surprised that they were falling. Somehow my heart knew what my brain wouldn't understand. Kitty came upstairs. She tried to talk so the girls wouldn't understand. "They are taking him to the hospital, it looks like they are going to call it in the ambulance." I knew, they couldn't resuscitate him. They were being kind enough to wait to call it at the hospital or in transit so they wouldn't have to wait for the coroner with the body in the house. I rode to the hospital with Christina, Jessie's little sister. She is a paramedic, we knew and all we could say was this isn't happening, he's 31. My best friend, her sister cannot be a widow, the girls are too young. I called Dan on my cell phone. I told him they were going to call it on the way to the hospital. I asked him if he knew what I meant. I said "yeah, they are going to call it on the way". He calmly said ok. I told him I loved him. At the hospital I kept the girls busy with a sand table they had for kids to play with in the waiting room. Mike's boss Roy showed up. I remember telling him how much Mike appreciated all he had done for Mike's career and that we had been talking about it the night before. Jess came out for the girls. They had told her he had passed. Amy cried quietly. Catherine fell to the floor screaming that she was too young for him to die. My heart broke even more. I called Dan. He asked how Mike was doing. Confused I said, "He isn't Honey. They called it on the way to the hospital." And I realized Dan didn't know what I meant by "calling it". I later learned he thought that they were 'calling it' a heart attack. "D they called time of death on the way to the hospital." "But we are going golfing tomorrow", Dan says. " No sweetie, you aren't. I am so sorry I didn't realize you didn't know what I meant." I still feel horrible about the way he learned his best friend had died. I got off the phone with him and put my head on the wall and cried. My best friend was a widow. A man I had kissed romantically had died. Our Godparent duties had just kicked in. When did I put this shirt on I thought. I have been back to the hospital ER three times this past year. I have walked over and touched that spot each time. I suddenly realized Amy was standing next to me. "Daddy would want Dan to have the Playstation" she says. I sort of half laughed and half cried and hugged her. She was so calm about it. The rest is a bit bit blurred. Seeing Mike's body, sitting in the family waiting room drinking juice and coffee while Jerry made phone calls to family. Running to the nurses station with Mike's wallet in hand when we all remembered Mike wanted to be an organ donor. Telling the nurses so they could get things started. We later learned Mike's eyes, bones and skin were all donated. I remember being in the room with Mike and thinking he was going to jump and say boo and yell at me for being such a stubborn bitch. I was the last one in the room with Mike before we left the hospital. I told I was going to miss him and that I knew Dan would too. I touched the toe of his shoe through the sheet on my way out. I remember Christina drove back, I got home and hugged Dan and cried but I honestly cannot remember the rest of the day.
I have done things in the last year I never thought I would have to do. I carried the ashes of a friend in a box. I drew viking symbols on a little wooden boat and embroidered Michael on a tiny shroud of white linen. I opened the box of his ashes and put a small handful in the shroud and stitched it closed. This giant of a man. He was large in size, character and life; was ashes in my hand.
This time last year I was blissfully in bed. Not knowing what was to come the next morning.
I want to go back.
God, I want to go back.
I want to go back and hug him. Why didn't I hug him.
Catherine asked me on day in a movie theater of all places if I had any regrets in life. What would I do over.
I have one regret and only one.
I didn't hug Mike that night. I purposefully walked away that night not giving him a hug. Like I was punishing him or something even after he had apologized. I wouldn't let it go and I never got to hug him goodbye. D hugged him. Jessica gave him a hug and kiss. I went out the door before he could cross the room and I waved. I WAVED. I even reasoned it out loud on the way home with Dan. Dan told me we'd be fine in time. But we didn't have time.
I am so tired but I can't go to sleep. It's like I want to hang on to every last minute until 10:31 this morning like he is still here. I can say this time last year he was still alive. This time last year Jess and Mike were asleep, everything was ok. The girls were ok. Jessica had no concept of death. She still had 'Uncle Mike' to cook mac and cheese for her and his special ramen noodles that she loved so much. My best friend lived down the street and everything we had dreamed about in High School was coming true. Our husbands were best friends, we were neighbors and our kids played together everyday. For 8 hours and 34 minutes I can still say a year ago we had that. I know I am sad and over tired but I can't let go of that. I feel like he's going to die again this morning.
I want to hug him.
10:31 AM - one year ago today the phone rang. I thought Jess was just calling to say she too was too tired to get out of bed for even the 11AM church service. We had been up watching the movie "Waiting" and did not leave her house until 1 AM. But that's not what she told me. "Michael's down, he's not breathing. They (the EMTs) just got here. He's not breathing." I still remember her exact words. A year later and I still remember every damn word and the way she breathed when she said it. I remember hearing the EMTs in the background. I remember I was standing in the kitchen looking at the clock on the microwave. '10:31AM he was fine last night' is what goes through my head but what comes out of my mouth is "Where are the girls, I'm coming, it's going to be all right." I don't remember getting dressed. I had answered the phone in my bra and panties. I honestly don't remember running upstairs and putting on my blue pants and pink tie dye t shirt. I barked to Dan, " Mike's down, he's not breathing, the paramedics are there, I'm going, oh God, I'll Call you." I know instead of running 2 buildings over I drove as close as I could get. The road was blocked by the ambulance and fire truck. Police were just arriving. He had gone down in front of the coat closet at the foot of the stairs. They had cut his shirt open and were doing CPR, he had already lost control of his bowels. Jess was numb, you could see the disbelief in her eyes. I just hugged her and she told me he had been walking across the room from the bathroom to go upstairs to get more toilet paper, laughing about how he had been the one to leave himself 'high and dry' when he simply fell over. Later I would learn that he seized and Jess started CPR while Amy called 911. Catherine was upstairs in her room. Kitty her mom was there. Where are the girls? I asked. Jerry her dad had them upstairs. Kitty stayed with Jess and I ran upstairs. I found Jerry on Amy's bed trying to hold both girls in his lap. I took Catherine and sat on her bed with her. Princess Diaries 2 was playing on their TV. I held her on my lap like she was little again and we rocked. I remember thinking what to do say to a 9 year old girl when the paramedics are trying to save her Dad. It was so surreal my brain couldn't comprehend it. I remember thinking how warm my tears were and being surprised that they were falling. Somehow my heart knew what my brain wouldn't understand. Kitty came upstairs. She tried to talk so the girls wouldn't understand. "They are taking him to the hospital, it looks like they are going to call it in the ambulance." I knew, they couldn't resuscitate him. They were being kind enough to wait to call it at the hospital or in transit so they wouldn't have to wait for the coroner with the body in the house. I rode to the hospital with Christina, Jessie's little sister. She is a paramedic, we knew and all we could say was this isn't happening, he's 31. My best friend, her sister cannot be a widow, the girls are too young. I called Dan on my cell phone. I told him they were going to call it on the way to the hospital. I asked him if he knew what I meant. I said "yeah, they are going to call it on the way". He calmly said ok. I told him I loved him. At the hospital I kept the girls busy with a sand table they had for kids to play with in the waiting room. Mike's boss Roy showed up. I remember telling him how much Mike appreciated all he had done for Mike's career and that we had been talking about it the night before. Jess came out for the girls. They had told her he had passed. Amy cried quietly. Catherine fell to the floor screaming that she was too young for him to die. My heart broke even more. I called Dan. He asked how Mike was doing. Confused I said, "He isn't Honey. They called it on the way to the hospital." And I realized Dan didn't know what I meant by "calling it". I later learned he thought that they were 'calling it' a heart attack. "D they called time of death on the way to the hospital." "But we are going golfing tomorrow", Dan says. " No sweetie, you aren't. I am so sorry I didn't realize you didn't know what I meant." I still feel horrible about the way he learned his best friend had died. I got off the phone with him and put my head on the wall and cried. My best friend was a widow. A man I had kissed romantically had died. Our Godparent duties had just kicked in. When did I put this shirt on I thought. I have been back to the hospital ER three times this past year. I have walked over and touched that spot each time. I suddenly realized Amy was standing next to me. "Daddy would want Dan to have the Playstation" she says. I sort of half laughed and half cried and hugged her. She was so calm about it. The rest is a bit bit blurred. Seeing Mike's body, sitting in the family waiting room drinking juice and coffee while Jerry made phone calls to family. Running to the nurses station with Mike's wallet in hand when we all remembered Mike wanted to be an organ donor. Telling the nurses so they could get things started. We later learned Mike's eyes, bones and skin were all donated. I remember being in the room with Mike and thinking he was going to jump and say boo and yell at me for being such a stubborn bitch. I was the last one in the room with Mike before we left the hospital. I told I was going to miss him and that I knew Dan would too. I touched the toe of his shoe through the sheet on my way out. I remember Christina drove back, I got home and hugged Dan and cried but I honestly cannot remember the rest of the day.
I have done things in the last year I never thought I would have to do. I carried the ashes of a friend in a box. I drew viking symbols on a little wooden boat and embroidered Michael on a tiny shroud of white linen. I opened the box of his ashes and put a small handful in the shroud and stitched it closed. This giant of a man. He was large in size, character and life; was ashes in my hand.
This time last year I was blissfully in bed. Not knowing what was to come the next morning.
I want to go back.
God, I want to go back.
I want to go back and hug him. Why didn't I hug him.
Catherine asked me on day in a movie theater of all places if I had any regrets in life. What would I do over.
I have one regret and only one.
I didn't hug Mike that night. I purposefully walked away that night not giving him a hug. Like I was punishing him or something even after he had apologized. I wouldn't let it go and I never got to hug him goodbye. D hugged him. Jessica gave him a hug and kiss. I went out the door before he could cross the room and I waved. I WAVED. I even reasoned it out loud on the way home with Dan. Dan told me we'd be fine in time. But we didn't have time.
I am so tired but I can't go to sleep. It's like I want to hang on to every last minute until 10:31 this morning like he is still here. I can say this time last year he was still alive. This time last year Jess and Mike were asleep, everything was ok. The girls were ok. Jessica had no concept of death. She still had 'Uncle Mike' to cook mac and cheese for her and his special ramen noodles that she loved so much. My best friend lived down the street and everything we had dreamed about in High School was coming true. Our husbands were best friends, we were neighbors and our kids played together everyday. For 8 hours and 34 minutes I can still say a year ago we had that. I know I am sad and over tired but I can't let go of that. I feel like he's going to die again this morning.
I want to hug him.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Smell my finger
So it has been awhile. The school year is in full swing and I am busy.
Too busy it seems to remember that when a male (no matter what age) asks you to smell his finger. DO NOT DO IT!
Here's the senario.
I am sitting on the floor in the classroom tying one of my girls shoes when Evan walks over and sticks his index finger under my nose and says "Miss Jennifer, my finger smells like poopy." (in this please help me get it off kind of voice) Of course I could smell it before he even finished the sentence. I look over at my assistant, who is about to fall out of her chair with laughter, and she tells me he had his hand down his pants, scratching his butt the entire way to me. I grab Evan's hand and low and behold one very brown finger. GAG! AH the fun of teaching preschool!
Too busy it seems to remember that when a male (no matter what age) asks you to smell his finger. DO NOT DO IT!
Here's the senario.
I am sitting on the floor in the classroom tying one of my girls shoes when Evan walks over and sticks his index finger under my nose and says "Miss Jennifer, my finger smells like poopy." (in this please help me get it off kind of voice) Of course I could smell it before he even finished the sentence. I look over at my assistant, who is about to fall out of her chair with laughter, and she tells me he had his hand down his pants, scratching his butt the entire way to me. I grab Evan's hand and low and behold one very brown finger. GAG! AH the fun of teaching preschool!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Tag! I'm it
So here goes, Sarah you dirty scoundrel you tagged me!
What is your salad dressing of choice?
Newman's Own Northern Italian
What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Potbelly
What is your favorite sit down restaurant?
The Olive Garden
What size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
20% as a rule
What could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Ice cream sandwiches
Name three foods you detest above all others.
Cooked spinach, peas or carrots - but I love them all raw
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant?
Beef Lo Mein
What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Mushroom, onion and green pepper
What do you like to put on your toast?
butter most of the time
What is your favorite type of gum?
Extra Watermelon
Number of contacts in your cell phone?
50 or so
Number of contacts in your e-mail address book?
about 30
What is your wallpaper on your computer?
hee hee hee - a picture I took of some cows when we were camping in Luray
What is your screensaver on your computer?
nothing
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer?
Jessica as a teeny baby
How many land line phones do you have in your house?
1
How many televisions are in your house?
4, living room, Mom and Dad's room, the bedroom and a travel TV in the closet
What kitchen appliance do you use the most?
The microwave - how bad is that?!
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most?
country (ouch - the south is really getting to me)
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?
my eyes
Are you right handed or left handed
left!
Do you like your smile?
yes (mom and dad paid a lot of money for it!)
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Does Jessica count? OK just a mole then and some blood occasionally
Would you like to?
nope there is a reason God made me this way. Now I would have preferred smaller feet but hey I'm not going to complain. too much.
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom?
yup
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
taste. I have iffy smell from the sinus issues, I wear glasses and I am partially deaf in my left ear. Dang I am falling apart!
When was the last time you had a cavity?
mmm...4 years ago?
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?
Jessica - 36lbs!
Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Yup
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No way Jose!
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
mmm... no clue
How do you express your artistic side?
I have an artistic side? Probably cake decorating and designing bulletin boards for my classroom
What color do you think you look best in?
pale pink
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?
that question will give me nightmares! I will never find out - I am such a goody 2 shoes
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
not by mistake. I ate 3 tiny glass christmas ornaments when I was 2. mmm cruchy...
If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?
have you met my relatives? - Heck no!
How often do you go to church?
daily! I work there!
Have you ever saved someone's life?
not that I recall
Has anyone ever saved yours?
Yes
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
I could get paid for doing it?!
If the public street was deserted?
Ask my friend Chris why he will forever call me Chicken S*#@. That would be no Alex.
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
again I could get paid for that? hee hee I crack me up - most likely
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
EW! NO!
Would you never blog again for $50,000?
Easily done. Hey! Are you implying my blogs are bad?!
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
Don't anyone would pay to see this naked!
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Nah - I have a bad acid reflux problem as it is - the surgery to repair my stomach way out costs the $1000!
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?
no, again are you implying I am hairy?
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
ooh, tempting. yah, no who am I kidding.
What is your salad dressing of choice?
Newman's Own Northern Italian
What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Potbelly
What is your favorite sit down restaurant?
The Olive Garden
What size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
20% as a rule
What could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
Ice cream sandwiches
Name three foods you detest above all others.
Cooked spinach, peas or carrots - but I love them all raw
What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant?
Beef Lo Mein
What are your pizza toppings of choice?
Mushroom, onion and green pepper
What do you like to put on your toast?
butter most of the time
What is your favorite type of gum?
Extra Watermelon
Number of contacts in your cell phone?
50 or so
Number of contacts in your e-mail address book?
about 30
What is your wallpaper on your computer?
hee hee hee - a picture I took of some cows when we were camping in Luray
What is your screensaver on your computer?
nothing
Are there naked pictures saved on your computer?
Jessica as a teeny baby
How many land line phones do you have in your house?
1
How many televisions are in your house?
4, living room, Mom and Dad's room, the bedroom and a travel TV in the closet
What kitchen appliance do you use the most?
The microwave - how bad is that?!
What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most?
country (ouch - the south is really getting to me)
What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?
my eyes
Are you right handed or left handed
left!
Do you like your smile?
yes (mom and dad paid a lot of money for it!)
Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
Does Jessica count? OK just a mole then and some blood occasionally
Would you like to?
nope there is a reason God made me this way. Now I would have preferred smaller feet but hey I'm not going to complain. too much.
Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom?
yup
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
taste. I have iffy smell from the sinus issues, I wear glasses and I am partially deaf in my left ear. Dang I am falling apart!
When was the last time you had a cavity?
mmm...4 years ago?
What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?
Jessica - 36lbs!
Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
Yup
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No way Jose!
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
mmm... no clue
How do you express your artistic side?
I have an artistic side? Probably cake decorating and designing bulletin boards for my classroom
What color do you think you look best in?
pale pink
How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?
that question will give me nightmares! I will never find out - I am such a goody 2 shoes
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
not by mistake. I ate 3 tiny glass christmas ornaments when I was 2. mmm cruchy...
If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?
have you met my relatives? - Heck no!
How often do you go to church?
daily! I work there!
Have you ever saved someone's life?
not that I recall
Has anyone ever saved yours?
Yes
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
I could get paid for doing it?!
If the public street was deserted?
Ask my friend Chris why he will forever call me Chicken S*#@. That would be no Alex.
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
again I could get paid for that? hee hee I crack me up - most likely
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
EW! NO!
Would you never blog again for $50,000?
Easily done. Hey! Are you implying my blogs are bad?!
Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
Don't anyone would pay to see this naked!
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Nah - I have a bad acid reflux problem as it is - the surgery to repair my stomach way out costs the $1000!
Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?
no, again are you implying I am hairy?
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
ooh, tempting. yah, no who am I kidding.
Cape Cod 2006
"Jessie! Look out for that wave!"The Spray got a bit strong on the back of the boat on the way
out to see the whales!
An adult whale feeding about 20 yards from the boat.It was so incredible to see these HUGE whales so close!
My little fish. I swear she spent the entire week in the water.
This picture we fondly call MermaJenn.
What you can't see is that the girls had covered me in seaweed.
It is in my hair, on my glasses, wrapped around my wrist,
I am trying so hard not to shake and squirm! EW!
On one of the final days we all donned bandanas and had ourselves a good
ole pirate battle in the water with the kids. AJ snapped this picture minutes
before the battle ensued.
ole pirate battle in the water with the kids. AJ snapped this picture minutes
before the battle ensued.
The whole reason we were there was for Mike's viking funeral.This is the boat Walt built. I decorated the dragon heads
and that is his name in Viking runes on the side of the boat.
We put a small amount on his ashes on board and lit the boat
on the lake.
Sunset on the lake.Sunday, June 18, 2006
June in a nutshell
This is Jessica's first ride on a train. In early June the Manassas Railway Historical group does a train expo. So we got our tickets and rode from Manassas to Clifton (the next stop up) and back. Jessica loved it. On the way to CLifton she and Dan were riding backwards. And if I didn't hear "Why are we going backwards?" 100 times I am a Monkeys uncle. Then it was "Mommy why are you going backwards?" on the way back. But she was so happy I could have cared less. Turns out it was Dan's first time on a train also. He was considerably less impressed than Jessica but did have fun.
June has been good. School ended May 26th, I had a week off - well technically I spent it cleaning and prepping my classroom for the 2 weeks of summer camp I worked. Camp ended Friday and WooHoo! I am free until Aug 24th!
Mom and Dad are still living with us. Things are not going well for them on the house finding front. Lots of compromise issues all around. In short, their marriage is on again off again based on the way the wind blows. I for one am tired of it. Poop or get off the pot, stop jerking everyone else's emotions along. Even Jessica told them the other day to get over it. And they have never argued in her presence. She can read people that well. God, I love her! Well off for now!
Monday, May 22, 2006
Surviving
So much going on it has been hard to simply check email.
Let's see in the last month I/we...
took a spur of the moment trip to Chincoteague Island where the wild ponies roam
learned that trying to fit Dan, Jessica and myself in a hotel queen bed makes for one well rested child and 2 stiff and sore adults.
Decided it was time to stop wishing I was thinner and saw a wonderful doctor (who is an amazing christian) who put me on a 1000 calorie a day diet.
trusted God that with his help and a apatite surpressant I could do this.
Day 23 and I have lost 21 pounds!!!
Learned that I am severly allergic to Welbutrin. itch itch scratch itch. Not a fun 24 hours nosiree!
Learned that as much as I can't stand the gossip at work, I am going to really be at a loss on Friday when school ends.
And last but not least, you will always make a great new friend just before one of you moves halfway across the country! Arg!
Let's see in the last month I/we...
took a spur of the moment trip to Chincoteague Island where the wild ponies roam
learned that trying to fit Dan, Jessica and myself in a hotel queen bed makes for one well rested child and 2 stiff and sore adults.
Decided it was time to stop wishing I was thinner and saw a wonderful doctor (who is an amazing christian) who put me on a 1000 calorie a day diet.
trusted God that with his help and a apatite surpressant I could do this.
Day 23 and I have lost 21 pounds!!!
Learned that I am severly allergic to Welbutrin. itch itch scratch itch. Not a fun 24 hours nosiree!
Learned that as much as I can't stand the gossip at work, I am going to really be at a loss on Friday when school ends.
And last but not least, you will always make a great new friend just before one of you moves halfway across the country! Arg!
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Life in general
So long no post....
Lots going on.
Got a manicure
tinted my eyelashes
had eye lashes retinted because first time washed right off
gave up after second try washed off
go a free pedicure because eye lashes won't tint
turned 34
realized I love my job but hate all the BS that goes with it
realized teachers gossip more than teenagers
decided I will follow my gut no matter where it takes me because it is right 90% of the time
followed my gut to the pediatrician and learned Jessica has strep throat - go gut!
going with my gut on the decision to not buy a car from a dealership
trusting God that when the time comes the transportation issue will be handled
praying that the repairs on the focus will stay at or below estimate of $1600.00
taking deep breaths
listening to Elmo sing, Cat pur and daughter snore
smiling
Lots going on.
Got a manicure
tinted my eyelashes
had eye lashes retinted because first time washed right off
gave up after second try washed off
go a free pedicure because eye lashes won't tint
turned 34
realized I love my job but hate all the BS that goes with it
realized teachers gossip more than teenagers
decided I will follow my gut no matter where it takes me because it is right 90% of the time
followed my gut to the pediatrician and learned Jessica has strep throat - go gut!
going with my gut on the decision to not buy a car from a dealership
trusting God that when the time comes the transportation issue will be handled
praying that the repairs on the focus will stay at or below estimate of $1600.00
taking deep breaths
listening to Elmo sing, Cat pur and daughter snore
smiling
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Jessie's new saying
So I am lying in bed last night trying to get some sleep and Dan and Jessie are arguing about her getting her butt to bed. Jessie not wanting to go to bed gets mad at Dan and informs him."Daddy, I'm gonna row your boat!" Dan asks, "What did you say?" truly not hearing her. Jessie replies "I'm gonna row your boat right into the ocean Dad! Hmph!" and stalks off into her room. God I love her! It took me few minutes of giggles before I could tell Dan what she said. I'm still laughing!
Ahhh...
Jessica and Dan at the St. Patrick's Day ParadeIt has been a long, hard, emotional month. It has been 1 month since Mike died today. Watching Jessa go through this has been one of the hardest things I hope I ever have to do. There is nothing I can say or do to heal that constant aching hole in her heart. I can cry with her, laugh with her and hold her when I run out of words. But nothing is worse than seeing your closest friend adjust to being a widow. That hollowness in her eyes that you want to wipe away but are helpless to do anything about. But I can laugh with her when everything seems too absurd for words.
For those who don't know, Mike always said he wanted a Viking funeral. Well he was cremated and we will be having the Viking funeral (minus Dog at his feet) he wanted on the Cape this summer. The humor enters in the fact that we are not only building a small boat to do this with but we are doing it in Chatham where his family has a cottage and also in Mashpee where we spent a week every summer with Jessa's family. So Jessa and I are sitting in her car last night just chatting when all of a sudden she simply states that we will be setting Mike on fire twice. Be it late night, our sick senses of humor, but suddenly nothing was ever funnier. We must have laughed for 10 minutes no stop. Then it became, we probably won't be able to get the boat to light, or do we consider one a test run for the other, or God forbid the boat drifts and we start a brush fire and burn down half of the Cape. You had to be there. But that moment gave me such hope for her. She needed to laugh like that. And for a brief moment the light was back in her eyes. I think I needed it as much as she did.
So life continues, I go back to work on Monday. I also have my first surgery follow up Monday afternoon. Not looking forward to an appointment they tell me to medicate for. OUCH. Jessica is getting there with the potty training. Lots of accidents and God forbid poopy ever go in a potty but in her own way she's getting the hang of it.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Wish me luck...
Having some pretty major sinus surgery tomorrow. They are restructuring all my sinuses and enlarging the drainage tube from the pockets over my eyes to the nostrils. To do this they have to chip out pieces of bone from my eye socket. EW. So I am looking forward to nice black eyes and at least 5 days of Percoset. See ya when the drugs wear off!
Sunday, February 26, 2006
We Will Never Forget You
(Mike and Dan at Cape Cod - 2004)Our good friend Michael Dowd died yesterday morning of a massive coronary. He would have been 31 on May 28th. He leaves behind his wife Jessamyn and 2 daughters (Catherine 9 and Amy 7). We are stunned and numb as we were all together watching movies and hanging out less than 10 hours before it happened. There was no warning, no pains, no discomfort prior to it happening. He was simply walking across the room, fell over and was gone. For those who are reading this please hug your loved ones close and pray for the family.
Mike, we will miss you man.
Jenn
For all who read this please pray for his family.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Stubborn
So this is how you know your child is not going to fall asleep anytime soon.
This picture was taken at 12:45AM on a school night - or should I say school morning. I am actually not asleep. I closed my eyes in frustration. I am actually to one taking the picture with my camera phone so that her father could she what she was up to. There are times I am very jealous that he gets to spend his nights alone on the road.
At one point in my 3 years of parenthood I was actually quite proud that my daughter inherited my stubborn streak. Those days are long gone. It now seems that we go head to head in stubbornness daily. In some ways it is great - I know she will never be a pushover. But I am beginning to think I may have to pay some poor sap to take her off my hands someday. Tell her something she doesn't like and she will inform you that "you are on a big time out!" usually at the top of her lungs in a public place. Like the preschool you are a new teacher at, where she screamed so loudly that teachers came running thinking there had been a serious injury. At least it was after school and there were no parents there.
Mind you as I am typing she walks by me with no shirt, her blue pants (not the ones she was wearing 5 minutes ago) and her new sneakers with no socks. I swear I left her in the living room, less than 10 feet away, wearing pink pants and a matching pink t shirt and socks but no shoes.
No wonder my eyebrow hairs are turning grey.
My mother tells me these will be the times I miss.
I tell her these will be the times I remember when they send me to the looney bin.
It's a good thing I really love her.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
New Year in a Nutshell
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
Well life has been just a little bit crazy for the last 3 weeks so I am just going to list things off and run.
Dec. 18th - Mom and Dad arrived - yea!
Dec. 23rd - Mom and Dad sold their condo - yea! again - they settle 2/5/06!!!!
Dec. 24th - cut my hair off - went shorter than planned because another inch meant being able to donate it to Locks of Love (something I always wanted to do!)
We had a wonderfully small Christmas. Church Christmas Eve altogether candle light service. Jessie survived and I managed to light my plastic candle cup on fire! (believe it or not they even let me come back!)
Dan gave me a great Christmas present - a membership to Womenfit! I love this place. I kinda helps that they have a 'resident' dog named Cardio who I have become fast friends with. (he's htere when the owner is).
Had a great New Year hanging out. Jessie stayed up til 2 (I still haven't caught up on sleep!)
And low and behold the unbelievable has happened. I have been offer a contract for a teaching position with Manassas Baptist Preschool where I have been subbing all year. I am now Jessica's teacher (and the teacher to all the other 2 year olds too) And they have already asked if I would like to return next year on contract. Which means doing the same thing I have been doing but with full pay!!! I am so proud I could burst! And so busy with little details for the classroom but it is a fun, can't stop smiling busy.
So far I am loving 2006. Mom and Dad leave for Florida this Sat and will be returning in about 3 weeks to live with us for awhile. Dad will be having surgery to remove a disk in his neck when they return. This surgery will hopefully relieve the chronic hand pain he is in. So please pray for him.
Well off and running! Need to get my art project prepped for tomorrow! :)
God Bless!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
All together for Christmas
So my sister ruined my child.We were all out shopping when Kelly wanted a coffee from Starbucks. We go in an order and learned they do kids drinks for a dollar. So we ordered Jessica a hot cocoa with a splash of cold milk to make it cool for her. She loved it!!! Now not only does she want a cocoa everytime she sees a Starbucks but she refuses to drink any other kind of cocoa. My 3 year old drink snob!
I took this picture with my cell phone so it isn't the greatest but it's hysterical. But nothing beats the looks Kelly and I got from strangers thinking we were giving her coffee since they served the cocoa in a coffee cup!
Well it is true. Be careful what you wish for. hehehe. Mom and Dad are coming up from florida for Christmas and I have 3 days to clear a roompacked with boxes and make it comfy for their 3 week stay! But I am so excited. Jessica is in full "I need this for Christmas" mode. She doesn't quite get the whole idea of Santa yet. When I tried to explain to her the whole make a list for Santa idea she simply asked "Why can't you or Daddy tell him?"Not to mention she told her preschool teacher that "Santa has lots of money so he can buy me all the toys". Yah. Gotta love my kid. So I hope she isn't bummed when she doesn't get every toy there is. But since she is getting the Fisher price star station kareoke set that hooks to the TV I think she'll be ok that everything else is little stuff. And if not she'll get over it. She probably will be so excited about Grammy and Pop pop being here she won't play with any of it anyways :)
Well time for more meds. Got another (or possibly the same) sinus infection and I can barely breathe. 1000 mg of Augmentin twice a day for 20 days this time around since the last round of 10 days didn't kick it. So pray for me because God doesn't seem to want to listen to me on the subject. :)
Sunday, November 27, 2005
updates
Saw Harry Potter and fell in love again. I love the world they create. Have to admit to screaming like the little girl I wish I was during the maze scene. But again loved the movie, agreed with the PG13 rating as it was a bit mature in bits, and was left wanting another in the end.
Went Black Friday shopping and have to report on these 4 women I saw in Target. They cracked me up and made Jessica shriek with laughter. 4 adult women were dressed as elves (striped stockings, pointy shoes, hats and more) were walking around shopping in the middle of the chaos singing carols at the top of their lungs. Upon closer inspection (as demanded by aforementioned child) I learned they were not sing so very loudly as thought, one woman had a tape player in her "toy bag" that was playing the music. They were hysterical. They all blewJessie kisses and wished her Merry Christmas. Needless to say it made her day.
Finances seem to be getting worse instead of better as I have had to return all but one gift bought in exchange food groceries. But for now we have a roof over our heads and each other so I am counting my blessings.
And I am learning to forgive. I have recently realized that someone I thought cared deeply for me as a friend seems to care less if she leaves me in a lurch. And I have learned to step back and not be there to offer her help for it will not be appreciated. And that no matter how much you trust a friend never get money involved. Hard lesson learned. I will no longer feel guilty for putting myself and my family first.
So Merry Little Christmas since it will be little this year.
Went Black Friday shopping and have to report on these 4 women I saw in Target. They cracked me up and made Jessica shriek with laughter. 4 adult women were dressed as elves (striped stockings, pointy shoes, hats and more) were walking around shopping in the middle of the chaos singing carols at the top of their lungs. Upon closer inspection (as demanded by aforementioned child) I learned they were not sing so very loudly as thought, one woman had a tape player in her "toy bag" that was playing the music. They were hysterical. They all blewJessie kisses and wished her Merry Christmas. Needless to say it made her day.
Finances seem to be getting worse instead of better as I have had to return all but one gift bought in exchange food groceries. But for now we have a roof over our heads and each other so I am counting my blessings.
And I am learning to forgive. I have recently realized that someone I thought cared deeply for me as a friend seems to care less if she leaves me in a lurch. And I have learned to step back and not be there to offer her help for it will not be appreciated. And that no matter how much you trust a friend never get money involved. Hard lesson learned. I will no longer feel guilty for putting myself and my family first.
So Merry Little Christmas since it will be little this year.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Blog, Blog, Blog...
Having one of those days again. No money for the holidays and lots of frustrations to go with it. On a fun note Friday night Jessica and I went to play Bingo at the Elementary school right behind our town house. We went with Kelly & AJ and her girls. Jessica had a blast, she wanted to put stamp dots on every square. All the prizes were kid's toys. We didn't win anything but both AJ's girls won. So it was lots of excitement. Kelly ofcourse stayed until 12:30 AM til I had to put on my PJs and push her out the door.
I think I have the holiday blues. It just sucks knowing M&D are broke and won't leave the condo until it is sold. They told us if we bought them tickets to get here they wouldn't use them. So we won't see them until the condo sells. Mom is in tears missing us and down because she won't be here for Christmas. I am bummed because it means Christmas with Kelly and we all know how that usually goes. (Thanksgiving with Kelly is making my skin crawl with anticipation of a fight). And as we have yet to have a holiday involving my family that didn't end with arguing I am not holding my breath. I just hope there is no blood shed.
sigh.
I think I have the holiday blues. It just sucks knowing M&D are broke and won't leave the condo until it is sold. They told us if we bought them tickets to get here they wouldn't use them. So we won't see them until the condo sells. Mom is in tears missing us and down because she won't be here for Christmas. I am bummed because it means Christmas with Kelly and we all know how that usually goes. (Thanksgiving with Kelly is making my skin crawl with anticipation of a fight). And as we have yet to have a holiday involving my family that didn't end with arguing I am not holding my breath. I just hope there is no blood shed.
sigh.
Monday, November 14, 2005
One Sick Family
So for the first time ever my entire little family are all sick at once. The irony we all have something different. Dan is nauseous and thinks his Vertigo may be back, Jessica has the cha cha's and is just generally cranking and I have the sinus headache from hell. What is up with this? I just really hope we don't all share! Ugh. D is never one to say he is sick and he is willing admitting it so beware - hell may freeze over any moment.
phone's ringing - see ya!
phone's ringing - see ya!
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
A Murphy's Day
Ever have one of those Murphy's Law days? Yah, today was definitely one of those days. I woke up late, rush to get Jessica and myself dressed, ran to the school thanking God I was only helping to clean the store room instead of teaching today because I had taken the liberty of wearing an old T shirt, we make it just in time. All is going well until Jessica sees me in the hallway. Normally this event is met by "Hey Mom" and we go our own ways. Today she breaks into tears and sobs she wants to go home. I pick her up and she is burning up. Lovely. Everyone around feels her head and says yes she must have a fever. Murphy takes effect and needless to say both the thermometers the preschool has are out of batteries. And it figures that I had just came up the steps are tearing everything and I mean everything out of the storeroom. So Jessie and I go down and pile it all back in and go home. She takes a nap and wakes up like none of this ever happens.
But on a good note I got to see the new version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Which was creepy but good, it followed the book a little closer (except the end) but it was really creepy.
Ahh well.....
But on a good note I got to see the new version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Which was creepy but good, it followed the book a little closer (except the end) but it was really creepy.
Ahh well.....
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
The Unbeatable Headache
So I woke up at 3 AM this morning with a killer headache behind my eyes. I believe it hurt so bad it woke me up. I took some tylenol and went back to bed. I woke up again at 7:30, got Jessica and myself ready for school and off we went, headache in tow. All day long I babied this headache - fed it caffiene, removed my glasses, rubbed my face. We came home, I treated my headache and my self to a nice Ceasar salad, took a nap and still the pain persisted. I crawled out of bed, walked to the Elementary school, picked up my god daughters Catherine and Amy, and the headache came with. I ran errands with friends and children and tried not to claw my eyes out. Took some Excedrin and moaned on.
We came home and discovered I married a superhero. Dan had not only woken up early and cooked dinner but he included some sort of magic drug in the dinner he called protein. It seems protein has the ability to disolved killer headaches.
And to think I thought he was just smelly, scruffy husband. In truth he is Super Danny killer of all thing painful.
I knew I loved him for a reason other than his big hairy feet!
We came home and discovered I married a superhero. Dan had not only woken up early and cooked dinner but he included some sort of magic drug in the dinner he called protein. It seems protein has the ability to disolved killer headaches.
And to think I thought he was just smelly, scruffy husband. In truth he is Super Danny killer of all thing painful.
I knew I loved him for a reason other than his big hairy feet!
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